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Post by Sadie on Oct 30, 2009 13:39:21 GMT -5
-- Thunder cracked across the sky. Loudly, thickly, horribly. It dashed down rain like little knives, cutting through the air. Slicing, tearing. Shattering like ice onto a pale cheek. Out here, in the cold rain, pouring down from the skies in bucketfuls, he had never looked more alone. Hesitant footsteps on the freezing wooden balcony. Wrapped up in a sweater that was still too large – an echo of her childhood days – she watched his bent form, writhing in agony. By himself, where no one could see the tears that flowed down his face like a river or sorrow. So that he could still be a man. She went to him, feeling her way through the thick cloud of depression around him. Testing the waters carefully, prodding, experimenting, until she was beside him. If that was even alright. “Wally.” Her voice – worried, scared, breaking. “Wally, are you okay?” Memories, sad memories, coursing through him. They had no right to be there, had no right at all, but they were there. The regretful goodbye – why could he hear every single word again and again and again? – and then they were apart. A college in the United States, to be with his friends, while his family went home, to the country so, so far away. He missed them. He wanted to go home every single day. And yet he didn’t. Laughter from his brother, sweet and bright and so much like her. His mother’s worrisome tone. Stern advice from his father, upholding, lifting, guiding. His companion’s long, slender arm. Like a wall to lean upon, winding around his shoulders, her stringy hair falling into his face. Her words, so simple. “They love you.” A catch in his breath, like a dagger thrust into him. “And I love you.” Her fingers tracing spiderweb patterns across his back – let him cry, let him cry – and by tomorrow this would all be forgotten. He would enjoy college again and would look forward to summer, when he could fly home. Her pale, pale fingers, extending towards him. A smile like sunshine, even in the pouring rain. “Come inside.” She was beautiful, loyal, supportive, his.Red-stained emerald eyes looked up to meet warm violet ones. Please. It will be alright.“Okay.” |
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Post by bc on Oct 30, 2009 14:19:07 GMT -5
That was deep, man. It's about time someone wrote a non-clitche 3/4 fanfiction. (Newbies are taking over FF.net in the KND section with their chat-speak, I tell you! .... Though I rarely go there anymore.)
But man! Sadie, this is wonderful!
Wally's smile is Kuki's sunshine. <3 That's so cute.
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Post by Sadie on Oct 30, 2009 14:32:00 GMT -5
Thank you so much! <3 I was a little hesitant, because the writing is so much more strange than my usual style, but I'm pleased.
Actually, nowadays in the KND section, it's mostly just me, Kati (Kameko-Lullaby), blue-eyed-blonde12, and tater06, and those three are fairly fantastic! But yeah, the occasional annoying story does pop up, and it mades me want to facepalm.
Hmm, that was actually supposed to be Kuki's smile being Wally's sunshine. I should have clarified that, sorry!
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kati =3
Newbie
With a dash of sunshine.
Posts: 16
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Post by kati =3 on Oct 30, 2009 14:32:06 GMT -5
The KND archive at FF. net isn't all the that bad anymore... well, at least I think so but, my judgment hasn't proved all that, er, correct. I mean, I write... -shutting up-
Never mind, I'm full of cliches.
Anyway, Sadie, this is completely gorgeous with real depth. I love how you can do that, put real feelings into a piece. Ah, I wish I could do that.
The flow of all your sentences is nearly, no, IS poetic and everything flows utterly well. The way you use your words always blows my mind and paints vivid pictures and makes you feel along with the characters.
I'm not worthy of your greatness!
- - - -
Geez, when was the last time I actually logged in?
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Post by Sadie on Oct 30, 2009 14:36:12 GMT -5
I'm so glad you like it, Kati! I wanted to put it on FF.net but the school doesn't support it, I have to wait until I get home and steal my roommate's laptop. XD
That's what I was really trying to show with this one. Feeling. Memories should stir emotions, and I wanted to create something different from my usual humorous pieces.
You are too worthy, silly girl!
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Post by bc on Oct 30, 2009 19:35:15 GMT -5
Thank you so much! <3 I was a little hesitant, because the writing is so much more strange than my usual style, but I'm pleased. Actually, nowadays in the KND section, it's mostly just me, Kati (Kameko-Lullaby), blue-eyed-blonde12, and tater06, and those three are fairly fantastic! But yeah, the occasional annoying story does pop up, and it mades me want to facepalm. Hmm, that was actually supposed to be Kuki's smile being Wally's sunshine. I should have clarified that, sorry! No problem, I thought it was great! There are Gods...err, Goddesses now of the KND section, I just checked a while ago. XD I'm sorry I judged you and Kati. (Sorry... ^^; ) |
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Post by wallysgirl on Oct 30, 2009 23:04:04 GMT -5
2 words: LOVED IT!  Descrptive, Deep, & Emotional, FANTABULOUS READ! |
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Post by Jas on Oct 31, 2009 7:44:49 GMT -5
How, that was deep indeed X3 But in such a good way! <3 Poor Wally, bottling all those feelings up inside him... It's not good for you. Luckily Kuki's there <=) She'll manage to make him happy again, like she always does ^-^ Wally's such a family man, that's one of my favourite traits about him I think it's great how you put that quality in this fic, too. I quite love the Beetles family <3 And of course, sweet fluffiness at the end ^w^ It'll always be alright. |
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Post by prettywitchiusaka on Oct 31, 2009 7:55:05 GMT -5
Don't worry Allie, I'm sure you're forgiven.
Thank you so much for replying to my word suggestion. This was such a sweet story, I really enjoyed it! Good work Nocturne!
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Post by Sadie on Oct 31, 2009 10:50:05 GMT -5
Thank you, everyone. <3
You're all so sweet.
Of course you're forgiven, Allie.
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