Post by risanf on Feb 24, 2010 11:06:52 GMT -5
now loading: kids next door mission
operation: s.c.o.u.t.s.
superior
cookies
offer
ultimate
taste
stupid
writing operative: mr. f
copyright commanders: mr. waburton, cartoon network []
Note: This story takes place in the same continuity as my fanfic Operation: T.A.M.I.N.G.. It’s not strictly necessary to read that beforehand, but I do recommend it.
The bright glare of a nighttime campfire burned from a wooded area a little ways from suburbia, far enough so that the roar of cars and vans couldn't be heard. Like a tribal gathering, chanting could be heard coming from the clearing, and young children were holding hands and dancing around the blaze, their childish unity shining from their ovular faces. Each of the five children, all girls, wore a baby-blue scout uniform, a sash with one or more badges, and a hat adorned with a long-tailed skunk hide. Their paraphernalia could be seen scattered all throughout the campsite: a canoe here, a first-aid kit there, and a large stack of candy boxes sitting on a stump just a little ways off.
Mrs. Dixon, den mother of Skunky Scout Troup 177, smiled sunnily at her young charges. Judging from the look on the blond-haired woman's face, it was easy to tell this was one of the favorite pet projects, competing alongside P.T.A. participation, junior-high football heckling, and, um, supervillany. "Alright, scouts, fall in and report!" she said cheerfully, lightly clapping her hands twice. "Let's see those sunny faces of yours!"
The girls separated and unwrapped themselves from their position around the fire, lining up in no particular order. The first girl, a pasty-faced lass with scraggly blond hair, stepped forward and struck a smart salute. "Agatha, reporting in!" she called out in a nasally snort that nevertheless carried a military crispness with it.
The next one, a fire-maned girly girl that greatly admired her bronze streaks, stepped up as Agatha fell back into position. "Mary Bell, reporting in!" she said, a slight giggle permanently etched into her voice box.
The third, a short bespectacled girl of Chinese descent, was up next. "Janet, reporting in,” she recited somewhat shyly, stumbling a bit with her salute.
The next one, a bronze-skinned girl with a certain frostiness about her, was all too ready for roll call. "Clarice, reporting in," she practically barked, her iron gaze piercing even in the cool dusk.
And finally, the last scout, a black girl with twin braids and glasses moved up. "Laura, reporting in!" she cried out, quite possibly the most enthusiastic of the five that had assembled today.
The scoutmaster smiled adoringly at her little dolls, all dressed up and following commands like good children. "Alright then, on to business!" Mrs. Dixon declared, whipping out and opening a three-ringed binder. "The next Skunky Scout canoeing trip with Scout Troops 149 and 162 is coming up in three weeks, and we need to make about $150.00 more to pay for our new canoe. As you all know, our new Skunky Scout Cheesy Drag-A-Longs are truly successful, with their scrumtious combination of chocoate and cream cheese. But now we must work even harder to succeed! Even the best cookies don't sell themselves, you know!"
"Hee hee, that'll be easy," Mary Bell chimed, going up to Laura and putting a hand on her shoulder. "No one can match Laura and her hardball tactics!"
"Y-yeah!" Janet agreed, her quiet voice struggling to make itself heard. "L-Laura's the best!"
"You guys!" Laura beamed, her overbite shining orange in the fire.
"I, too, am impressed with Limpin's ability to move cookies," Clarice said coolly, folding her arms like some Shonen manga character. "Be warned, though, that I will try my best to dethrone you and become the number one scout in 177."
"That's fine!" Laura nodded, her smile not wavering in the slightest. "Number two's a good number too! A really good number!" If anyone here had regular encounters with the Kids Next Door, they would have noticed that her pronunciation of "number" sounded suspiciously like "numbuh," and, also, that her countenance had become somewhat dreamy upon speaking it. It would be no surprise; Laura had recently become friends with one of their operatives after a two-day ordeal, giving her both a friend outside of the Skunky Scouts and a boy to swoon over.
These subtle allusions flew past Agatha, though. "Just as long as your rivalry doesn't interfere with your primary directive of selling our products," she reprimanded in a somewhat bossy voice, adopting a pose oozing with self-assurance.
"Not like your rivalry with the Chipmunk Scout next door ever gets in the way of anything!" Mary Bell said with cheerful sarcasm, breaking formation and hugging Agatha from behind.
"That's different!" the beleaguered scout protested, trying to squirm from her friend's embrace. "We have to stop our rivals at all costs!"
The other four scouts burst into of scores laughter at this, leaving Mrs. Dixon to calm them all. "Okay, okay, settle down..."
{BA-DOOM!} Completely out of the blue, a large explosion rocked the campsite, sending a cloud of dust billowing out from the center. The five scouts and their leader went flying away in all directions; some falling back onto the ground, others hitting their backs on rigid tree trunks. Laura was fortunate enough to land of a soft pile of leaves, so she was the first to recover from the impact. She had the first glimpse of the new arrivals onto the scene, and it was truly a sight to behold...and to fear.
From the depths of the wood, a large sailing ship was trudging through the earth, unceremoniously knocking over trees like an American landscaping crew in a rain forest. Amid a spread of fallen trunks, the ship stood proudly, its sail wafting slightly from atop the tall mast. All along its deck, a motley crew of candy-themed brigands stood at the ready, with candy cane sabers and mouths riddled with cavities. Their leader was the most degenerate of them all, with teeth completely rotted through and a collection of sweets entangled within his red, bushy beard.
"Avast ye mateys!" Stickybeard ordered his crew, holding up high a candy-cane saber. "Pluck the little girlies of all their glorious treasure! And leave not a treat behind!"
As their captain observed from the deck of the Sweet Candy, the pirates poured onto the scouts, sending all that could still run into a panicked frenzy. The scurvy crew immediately started pillaging the small campsite, snatching up any sugary snack they can find.
"Candy Pirates?" Mrs. Dixon said quietly, her face deceptively calm. Then, a moment later, she burst into hysterics. "Why can't you just rob a bank like normal criminals!?" she wailed, large blob-like tears flying from the corners of her eyes.
"Ah, but banks don't stock Skunky Scout Cheese Drag-A-Longs, now do they?" the pirate reminded her with a sly twitch of his finger. "It's a cream cheese confectionery creation that every seafaring sweetster would love to get their mitts on!"
By now, almost all of Scout Troup 177 had been detained in one way or another, ready to be carted off to the cheese mines or wherever. Mary Bell, Janet, and Mrs. Dixon were backed up against a large oak tree, fearing for their lives as three pirates descended upon them. Agatha and Clarice had been tied up for their resistance and were struggling fiercely while being dragged off to the ship. Only Laura was left, facing against the Skunky Scouts van to show her backside to the impending doom that was the pirates.
"What's wrong girl, don't they give you merit badges for taking on guys like us?" one of the more snide pirates snickered, placing a hand on her shoulder in preparation for seizing another captive. And if he had been a mite more observant, he would have seen something very disturbing in Laura's reflection on the van's door. An ugly little frown was distorting her normally cute features, and a piercing, yellow shine was emanating from her eyes. It was too bad, really, for now his fate was one to be sealed.
"RRRRRRRRR!!!" the girl snarled, whipping around with an oversized backfist that sent the pirate screaming off into the distance. Laura's entire body bulked up like a custard puff, giving her an adult-sized frame. Soon, she was the Big Badolescent once again, her first transformation in nearly three weeks. "YOU RUIN SKUNKY SCOUT MEETING!!! YOU PAY!!!" she roared, rushing into the freaked out pirates with swinging fists, aiming to take out as many as she could...which was probably all of them.
"Sugar me gumdrops!" Stickybeard said from his safe place aboard the Sweet Candy, retaining the confidence of those that know they are in no real danger. "It look it be time for Plan B!" He then reached into his coat pockets and pulled out a small pan flute that looked suspiciously like a cheese log with holes in it. He then blew a short, three-note melody through the "woodwind," which carried from the ship all the way to the depths of the wood.
Meanwhile, the Big Badolescent had already disposed of the pirate threat, leaving the grunts dazed and scattered all throughout the campsite. Like a beast on the hunt, she glanced around the premises looking for any other adversary that would dare to interrupt her girl time. Spying Stickybeard sitting pretty aboard the ship, her lips parted once again to reveal her gleaming jaws set for vengeance. She charged at the ship, bent her knees, and launched herself in a flying leap upon the pirate captain...only to be knocked out of the air by three saffron streaks coming from somewhere in the forest.
The Big Badolescent was sent flying back to the campsite, her gigantic girth making an impression in the earth. With glowing eyes and a furious scream, she righted herself and again stomped towards the Sweet Candy and Stickybeard, who was crossing his arms and smiling arrogantly. Again, she found herself foiled by the mysterious yellow swaths, which were darting in from both sides of the woods. Any move she tried was intercepted by these opponents, and now the Badolescent was struggling just to stay afloat in the battle.
The unknown foes were now circling her like a pack of sharks, turning into a golden ring of pure speed. The Big Badolescent screamed and thrashed, but was unable to knock even one of them out of the running. When the streaks had slowed down to resemble human shapes, the monster girl found she had been bound by a multitude of bolas and was now toppling into the ground. With a mouthful of dirt and her electric eyes now muted with concern, she stared helplessly at her conquerors: a group of yellow-garbed ninjas with an arsenal of Japanese weapons and holes in their sashes meant to represent Swiss cheese.
"Ha ha, your wimpy attacks are as good as biting down on a jawbreaker!" Stickybeard crowed, lifting up his head to expose more bushy beard. "For this grand quest, I've enlisted a few landlubber friends from the other side of town, and not even the Big Badolescent can defeat us now!"
"Indeed!" a bold, commanding voice spoke from the open door to the ship's cabin. "And it is all your faults!" The Big Badolecent watched in horror as Cheese Shogun Roquefort emerged from within the ship, looking as fresh as he did before his defeat. "The very idea of making a snack both sweet and cheesy is nothing more than an invitation for both of us, so there was never any hope for you!” the unspoiling villain taunted, his gooey eyes flashing within his samurai helmet. “You were all doomed before this even began!”
“Right ye are, partner!” Stickybeard said, putting an arm around his ally’s shoulder. “We’ll share the booty with those who truly deserve it, and you’ll never stop us!”
“Touching,” Roquefort reminded the other, a small vein popping in his temple.
“Whoops, sorry!” the pirate apologized, putting a hand to the back of his head in embarrassment. Which was a mistake, for now Stickybeard’s glove was now stuck in his lollipop and bubble-gum soaked hair.
As the captain struggled to free his ensnared appendage, the Big Badolescent wearily took in the situation, which had once been so positive. Her fellow scouts at that very moment were being tossed into the brig, yelling in protest as their captors snickered. Her bloated face bore not anger but shame, a deep frustration at being unable to save her troop. There was nothing for her to do but admit defeat and lower her face into the dirt, hiding the battlefield of sorrows from her eyes.
The next morning, at the Treehouse, Kids Next Door operations were going as smoothly as ever. That is, everything was a disorganized mess. It was a lax day as far as adult fighting went, and everybody had shaken off their duties for some good, ol’ fashioned goofing off. Not that every participant in the said goofing was having an equally good time.
“Got your nose! Got your nose!” Numbuh Three squealed, holding up a curious object high above her head.
“Hey!” Numbuh Four protested, his face red with frustration. “I paid three box tops for that ruddy disguise!” The vertically-challenged operative struggled to reach his false moustache, but found he was unable to compete with Numbuh Three’s slightly taller frame, and only got another ‘got your nose!’ for his efforts. He looked to his other agents for assistance, but found they were all occupied with one thing or another. Numbuh Two was busy with a videogame, and Numbuhs One and Five were sprawled on a rug, deep in conversation about One’s rocky love life.
“I’m tellin’ ya, ya gotta put yer foot down with Lizzie,” Numbuh Five was saying to her comrade, gesturing strongly. “Numbuh Five sure wouldn’t hang around to get henpecked all day.”
“You don’t know how it is having a girlfriend, Numbuh Five!” the bald boy insisted. “All that pressure, all that responsibility, it’s tougher then anything the adults throw at us!”
“Man, where does our fearless leader go when Lizzie comes a knockin?’” she sighed “You are so...so...what’s dat word?”
“Whipped,” supplied Numbuh Two, not bothering to look from the television displaying his game.
“That’s it!” Numbuh Five said, a satisfied smile coming to her face.
“Gotcha!” Numbuh Four shouted out in triumph, seizing his disguise from Numbuh Three’s hand (she let him have it). Stomping away from the giggling girl, the Australian blond grumbled his way to Numbuh Two’s side, plopping down on the large cushion. “Man, I’m glad Mum and Dad didn’t have any girls!” he said almost to himself, putting on his disguise in an act of defiance against Numbuh Three. “Nuthin’ but loony, giggling twits!”
“Aw, girls aren’t so bad, Numbuh Four,” his friend responded, keeping his eyes on the action onscreen. “You just have to get used to them.”
“You would say that,” Numbuh Four shot back, turning towards the round boy with an accusatory look on his face. “You’re friends with that Laura Limpin!”
“Hey, at least I get free Skunky Scout candy,” he said easily, reaching around to grab a handful on the aforementioned goodies from a box on his right side. “This stuff is awesome!” Numbuh Two shoved a wad into his large mouth, crunching loudly and sending small crumbs shooting out the floor. His stuffed face then adopted a look of disappointment, as he returned concentration to the game. “Darn, I missed the E-Tank!”
“Just forget it, mate, you need Item 1 or 2 to get that without dyin’,” Numbuh Four said nonchalantly, falling back on the cushion in exhaustion and defeat. Then, a thought sprung into his mind, and he jolted up with a renewed ire. “But bloody heck, why does RisanF make me sound like a Harry Potter character?!” he demanded angrily, his fists clenched and shaking. Numbuh Two made a motion to reply to this, then decided against it, returning to the game.
{FWOOM!} the door to the Treehouse suddenly flew open, revealing a small braided girl in a scout uniform. “Hoagiiiiiee!” Laura cried out, and started towards Numbuh Two. She took big bounding steps towards the rotund operative, stepping on Numbuh One and Five’s prone forms in the process. “Big trouble, big trouble, BIG TROUBLE!!!” she ended the last ‘big trouble’ in her Big Badolescent voice, grabbing onto Numbuh Two’s shirt and thrusting her face to his.
“Whoa whoa whoa!” the shaken boy stammered, struggling to his bearings. “What’s happening, Laura? What’s going on?” he asked, trying to get his fervored friend to start making sense.
Laura’s words were coming out a mile a minute, and the other KND operatives started gathering around the two of them, curious. Eventually, the scout managed to get out a comprehensible version of the story about the abduction of Skunky Scout Troop 177, and the new union between the Candy Pirates and Cheese Ninjas. “I tried looking for them everywhere, but they’re nowhere to be found!” Laura babbled, her panic increasing once again. “Ya gotta help me, Hoagie!”
“Crud, I can’t believe the Cheese Ninjas and the Candy Pirates would really work together,” Numbuh Four said, overawed. “Ninjas and Pirates don’t ever get along!”
“Where didja hear a crazy thing like dat?” Numbuh Five scowled contemptuously.
“It’s all here in this book,” he responded, handing the girl a small, black paperback. Unconvinced, she took the tiny tome from his hand, and then put on a pair of reading frames from her shirt pocket. She thumbed through it carefully, her eyes shifting back and forth through the text. Then, a disgusted grimace flowed through her face, as if she had just read about the mating habits of lizards.
“’Ninjas are so awesome, and by awesome, I mean totally sweet’?!” Numbuh Five quoted with extreme disdain. “This is jes’ some trash made up by some teenage doofus!” She threw the book at Numbuh Four, who clutched at it like it was made of crystal.
“Regardless, all this does sound like a job for the Kids Next Door,” Numbuh One muttered, putting a hand to his chin in calm, British-style thought. He turned to Laura. “Limpin, can you tell us anything else important concerning Skunky Scout candy?” he questioned.
“Yeah, a lotta orders for Cheesy Drag-A-Longs had been going out to just one house!” the scout answered earnestly, blinking her bespectacled eyes. “It’s the big, white one at the end of Plundering Samurai Trace!”
“Then that’s where we began!” Numbuh One said, slamming his fist into his palm.
“Hold on a moment!” Numbuh Five cried out, grabbing the boy by his sweatshirt and dragging him off to the corner. “Numbuh One, what’re you doin'?” she whispered, when she was sure none of the other agents or Laura could hear them. “You know Laura’s all crazy Badolescent!”
“She’s also a kid, and helping kids from tyrannical adults is what we do best,” Numbuh One responded firmly, keeping his voice a low hiss. “Besides, as long as we have someone around to calm her down, there won’t be any trouble.”
“So you’re going with her to this Plundering Samurai place?” she asked, somewhat impressed by her leader’s devotion to duty.
Numbuh One looked at her as if shot. “Are you kidding?” he exclaimed, loud enough to draw Numbuh Three’s attention briefly. “She’ll beat me up! No no, it’s better that you and Numbuh Two go, since you two are best at keeping her in line. Especially Numbuh Two, what with his new friendship with her and all.”
And then, having successfully delegated the task, he walked back to the rest of the group with his plan. “For someone who hates adults, he sure knows how to pass the buck,” Numbuh Five mumbled, crossing her arms and wagging her head.
“So here’s what we’ll do,” Numbuh One addressed the rest of the group in his leader-tone. “Numbuh Two and Numbuh Five will go with Limpin to the address, and see what they can dig up. Meanwhile, the rest of us will stay here as backup in case of an emergency. Got it?”
“That’s fine,” Numbuh Two nodded nonchalantly, holding his Skunky Scout candy in his hands.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m in,” Numbuh Five said halfheartedly, rejoining the rest of the group with the look of a sweet tooth going to a dentist appointment.
“Yay, yay, I get to go on a magical mystery tour with Hoagie!” Laura cheered, grabbing onto Numbuh Two’s arm and briefly leaning into him. Then, all of a sudden, she was dressed in a Sherlock Holmes outfit, complete with hat and magnifying glass. “Laura Limpin is on the case!” she said, peering shrewdly through the lens. “I’ll be just like Detective Conan!”
“Or Nancy Drew!” Numbuh Three chimed in, popping her head into the conversation.
“Dick Tracy!” Laura added, throwing a fist into the air.
And then the two girls clasped hands and started dancing around, sounding off the names of famous fictional detectives in song. “Hercule Poirot! Eddie Valiant! Encyclopedia Brown!”
As they continued their free-spirited carousing, Numbuh Five frowned. “I still don’t know ‘bout this,” she said warily.
“No use complainin’ now,” Numbuh Two burbled, putting another bunch of cookies into his mouth. “Besides, Laura’s a lot of fun.” He smiled affectionately at Laura, still dancing happily with Numbuh Three. “We’ll have a good time!”
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Next Up- Part 2
operation: s.c.o.u.t.s.
superior
cookies
offer
ultimate
taste
stupid
writing operative: mr. f
copyright commanders: mr. waburton, cartoon network []
Note: This story takes place in the same continuity as my fanfic Operation: T.A.M.I.N.G.. It’s not strictly necessary to read that beforehand, but I do recommend it.
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*****
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*****
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The bright glare of a nighttime campfire burned from a wooded area a little ways from suburbia, far enough so that the roar of cars and vans couldn't be heard. Like a tribal gathering, chanting could be heard coming from the clearing, and young children were holding hands and dancing around the blaze, their childish unity shining from their ovular faces. Each of the five children, all girls, wore a baby-blue scout uniform, a sash with one or more badges, and a hat adorned with a long-tailed skunk hide. Their paraphernalia could be seen scattered all throughout the campsite: a canoe here, a first-aid kit there, and a large stack of candy boxes sitting on a stump just a little ways off.
Mrs. Dixon, den mother of Skunky Scout Troup 177, smiled sunnily at her young charges. Judging from the look on the blond-haired woman's face, it was easy to tell this was one of the favorite pet projects, competing alongside P.T.A. participation, junior-high football heckling, and, um, supervillany. "Alright, scouts, fall in and report!" she said cheerfully, lightly clapping her hands twice. "Let's see those sunny faces of yours!"
The girls separated and unwrapped themselves from their position around the fire, lining up in no particular order. The first girl, a pasty-faced lass with scraggly blond hair, stepped forward and struck a smart salute. "Agatha, reporting in!" she called out in a nasally snort that nevertheless carried a military crispness with it.
The next one, a fire-maned girly girl that greatly admired her bronze streaks, stepped up as Agatha fell back into position. "Mary Bell, reporting in!" she said, a slight giggle permanently etched into her voice box.
The third, a short bespectacled girl of Chinese descent, was up next. "Janet, reporting in,” she recited somewhat shyly, stumbling a bit with her salute.
The next one, a bronze-skinned girl with a certain frostiness about her, was all too ready for roll call. "Clarice, reporting in," she practically barked, her iron gaze piercing even in the cool dusk.
And finally, the last scout, a black girl with twin braids and glasses moved up. "Laura, reporting in!" she cried out, quite possibly the most enthusiastic of the five that had assembled today.
The scoutmaster smiled adoringly at her little dolls, all dressed up and following commands like good children. "Alright then, on to business!" Mrs. Dixon declared, whipping out and opening a three-ringed binder. "The next Skunky Scout canoeing trip with Scout Troops 149 and 162 is coming up in three weeks, and we need to make about $150.00 more to pay for our new canoe. As you all know, our new Skunky Scout Cheesy Drag-A-Longs are truly successful, with their scrumtious combination of chocoate and cream cheese. But now we must work even harder to succeed! Even the best cookies don't sell themselves, you know!"
"Hee hee, that'll be easy," Mary Bell chimed, going up to Laura and putting a hand on her shoulder. "No one can match Laura and her hardball tactics!"
"Y-yeah!" Janet agreed, her quiet voice struggling to make itself heard. "L-Laura's the best!"
"You guys!" Laura beamed, her overbite shining orange in the fire.
"I, too, am impressed with Limpin's ability to move cookies," Clarice said coolly, folding her arms like some Shonen manga character. "Be warned, though, that I will try my best to dethrone you and become the number one scout in 177."
"That's fine!" Laura nodded, her smile not wavering in the slightest. "Number two's a good number too! A really good number!" If anyone here had regular encounters with the Kids Next Door, they would have noticed that her pronunciation of "number" sounded suspiciously like "numbuh," and, also, that her countenance had become somewhat dreamy upon speaking it. It would be no surprise; Laura had recently become friends with one of their operatives after a two-day ordeal, giving her both a friend outside of the Skunky Scouts and a boy to swoon over.
These subtle allusions flew past Agatha, though. "Just as long as your rivalry doesn't interfere with your primary directive of selling our products," she reprimanded in a somewhat bossy voice, adopting a pose oozing with self-assurance.
"Not like your rivalry with the Chipmunk Scout next door ever gets in the way of anything!" Mary Bell said with cheerful sarcasm, breaking formation and hugging Agatha from behind.
"That's different!" the beleaguered scout protested, trying to squirm from her friend's embrace. "We have to stop our rivals at all costs!"
The other four scouts burst into of scores laughter at this, leaving Mrs. Dixon to calm them all. "Okay, okay, settle down..."
{BA-DOOM!} Completely out of the blue, a large explosion rocked the campsite, sending a cloud of dust billowing out from the center. The five scouts and their leader went flying away in all directions; some falling back onto the ground, others hitting their backs on rigid tree trunks. Laura was fortunate enough to land of a soft pile of leaves, so she was the first to recover from the impact. She had the first glimpse of the new arrivals onto the scene, and it was truly a sight to behold...and to fear.
From the depths of the wood, a large sailing ship was trudging through the earth, unceremoniously knocking over trees like an American landscaping crew in a rain forest. Amid a spread of fallen trunks, the ship stood proudly, its sail wafting slightly from atop the tall mast. All along its deck, a motley crew of candy-themed brigands stood at the ready, with candy cane sabers and mouths riddled with cavities. Their leader was the most degenerate of them all, with teeth completely rotted through and a collection of sweets entangled within his red, bushy beard.
"Avast ye mateys!" Stickybeard ordered his crew, holding up high a candy-cane saber. "Pluck the little girlies of all their glorious treasure! And leave not a treat behind!"
As their captain observed from the deck of the Sweet Candy, the pirates poured onto the scouts, sending all that could still run into a panicked frenzy. The scurvy crew immediately started pillaging the small campsite, snatching up any sugary snack they can find.
"Candy Pirates?" Mrs. Dixon said quietly, her face deceptively calm. Then, a moment later, she burst into hysterics. "Why can't you just rob a bank like normal criminals!?" she wailed, large blob-like tears flying from the corners of her eyes.
"Ah, but banks don't stock Skunky Scout Cheese Drag-A-Longs, now do they?" the pirate reminded her with a sly twitch of his finger. "It's a cream cheese confectionery creation that every seafaring sweetster would love to get their mitts on!"
By now, almost all of Scout Troup 177 had been detained in one way or another, ready to be carted off to the cheese mines or wherever. Mary Bell, Janet, and Mrs. Dixon were backed up against a large oak tree, fearing for their lives as three pirates descended upon them. Agatha and Clarice had been tied up for their resistance and were struggling fiercely while being dragged off to the ship. Only Laura was left, facing against the Skunky Scouts van to show her backside to the impending doom that was the pirates.
"What's wrong girl, don't they give you merit badges for taking on guys like us?" one of the more snide pirates snickered, placing a hand on her shoulder in preparation for seizing another captive. And if he had been a mite more observant, he would have seen something very disturbing in Laura's reflection on the van's door. An ugly little frown was distorting her normally cute features, and a piercing, yellow shine was emanating from her eyes. It was too bad, really, for now his fate was one to be sealed.
"RRRRRRRRR!!!" the girl snarled, whipping around with an oversized backfist that sent the pirate screaming off into the distance. Laura's entire body bulked up like a custard puff, giving her an adult-sized frame. Soon, she was the Big Badolescent once again, her first transformation in nearly three weeks. "YOU RUIN SKUNKY SCOUT MEETING!!! YOU PAY!!!" she roared, rushing into the freaked out pirates with swinging fists, aiming to take out as many as she could...which was probably all of them.
"Sugar me gumdrops!" Stickybeard said from his safe place aboard the Sweet Candy, retaining the confidence of those that know they are in no real danger. "It look it be time for Plan B!" He then reached into his coat pockets and pulled out a small pan flute that looked suspiciously like a cheese log with holes in it. He then blew a short, three-note melody through the "woodwind," which carried from the ship all the way to the depths of the wood.
Meanwhile, the Big Badolescent had already disposed of the pirate threat, leaving the grunts dazed and scattered all throughout the campsite. Like a beast on the hunt, she glanced around the premises looking for any other adversary that would dare to interrupt her girl time. Spying Stickybeard sitting pretty aboard the ship, her lips parted once again to reveal her gleaming jaws set for vengeance. She charged at the ship, bent her knees, and launched herself in a flying leap upon the pirate captain...only to be knocked out of the air by three saffron streaks coming from somewhere in the forest.
The Big Badolescent was sent flying back to the campsite, her gigantic girth making an impression in the earth. With glowing eyes and a furious scream, she righted herself and again stomped towards the Sweet Candy and Stickybeard, who was crossing his arms and smiling arrogantly. Again, she found herself foiled by the mysterious yellow swaths, which were darting in from both sides of the woods. Any move she tried was intercepted by these opponents, and now the Badolescent was struggling just to stay afloat in the battle.
The unknown foes were now circling her like a pack of sharks, turning into a golden ring of pure speed. The Big Badolescent screamed and thrashed, but was unable to knock even one of them out of the running. When the streaks had slowed down to resemble human shapes, the monster girl found she had been bound by a multitude of bolas and was now toppling into the ground. With a mouthful of dirt and her electric eyes now muted with concern, she stared helplessly at her conquerors: a group of yellow-garbed ninjas with an arsenal of Japanese weapons and holes in their sashes meant to represent Swiss cheese.
"Ha ha, your wimpy attacks are as good as biting down on a jawbreaker!" Stickybeard crowed, lifting up his head to expose more bushy beard. "For this grand quest, I've enlisted a few landlubber friends from the other side of town, and not even the Big Badolescent can defeat us now!"
"Indeed!" a bold, commanding voice spoke from the open door to the ship's cabin. "And it is all your faults!" The Big Badolecent watched in horror as Cheese Shogun Roquefort emerged from within the ship, looking as fresh as he did before his defeat. "The very idea of making a snack both sweet and cheesy is nothing more than an invitation for both of us, so there was never any hope for you!” the unspoiling villain taunted, his gooey eyes flashing within his samurai helmet. “You were all doomed before this even began!”
“Right ye are, partner!” Stickybeard said, putting an arm around his ally’s shoulder. “We’ll share the booty with those who truly deserve it, and you’ll never stop us!”
“Touching,” Roquefort reminded the other, a small vein popping in his temple.
“Whoops, sorry!” the pirate apologized, putting a hand to the back of his head in embarrassment. Which was a mistake, for now Stickybeard’s glove was now stuck in his lollipop and bubble-gum soaked hair.
As the captain struggled to free his ensnared appendage, the Big Badolescent wearily took in the situation, which had once been so positive. Her fellow scouts at that very moment were being tossed into the brig, yelling in protest as their captors snickered. Her bloated face bore not anger but shame, a deep frustration at being unable to save her troop. There was nothing for her to do but admit defeat and lower her face into the dirt, hiding the battlefield of sorrows from her eyes.
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*****
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*****
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The next morning, at the Treehouse, Kids Next Door operations were going as smoothly as ever. That is, everything was a disorganized mess. It was a lax day as far as adult fighting went, and everybody had shaken off their duties for some good, ol’ fashioned goofing off. Not that every participant in the said goofing was having an equally good time.
“Got your nose! Got your nose!” Numbuh Three squealed, holding up a curious object high above her head.
“Hey!” Numbuh Four protested, his face red with frustration. “I paid three box tops for that ruddy disguise!” The vertically-challenged operative struggled to reach his false moustache, but found he was unable to compete with Numbuh Three’s slightly taller frame, and only got another ‘got your nose!’ for his efforts. He looked to his other agents for assistance, but found they were all occupied with one thing or another. Numbuh Two was busy with a videogame, and Numbuhs One and Five were sprawled on a rug, deep in conversation about One’s rocky love life.
“I’m tellin’ ya, ya gotta put yer foot down with Lizzie,” Numbuh Five was saying to her comrade, gesturing strongly. “Numbuh Five sure wouldn’t hang around to get henpecked all day.”
“You don’t know how it is having a girlfriend, Numbuh Five!” the bald boy insisted. “All that pressure, all that responsibility, it’s tougher then anything the adults throw at us!”
“Man, where does our fearless leader go when Lizzie comes a knockin?’” she sighed “You are so...so...what’s dat word?”
“Whipped,” supplied Numbuh Two, not bothering to look from the television displaying his game.
“That’s it!” Numbuh Five said, a satisfied smile coming to her face.
“Gotcha!” Numbuh Four shouted out in triumph, seizing his disguise from Numbuh Three’s hand (she let him have it). Stomping away from the giggling girl, the Australian blond grumbled his way to Numbuh Two’s side, plopping down on the large cushion. “Man, I’m glad Mum and Dad didn’t have any girls!” he said almost to himself, putting on his disguise in an act of defiance against Numbuh Three. “Nuthin’ but loony, giggling twits!”
“Aw, girls aren’t so bad, Numbuh Four,” his friend responded, keeping his eyes on the action onscreen. “You just have to get used to them.”
“You would say that,” Numbuh Four shot back, turning towards the round boy with an accusatory look on his face. “You’re friends with that Laura Limpin!”
“Hey, at least I get free Skunky Scout candy,” he said easily, reaching around to grab a handful on the aforementioned goodies from a box on his right side. “This stuff is awesome!” Numbuh Two shoved a wad into his large mouth, crunching loudly and sending small crumbs shooting out the floor. His stuffed face then adopted a look of disappointment, as he returned concentration to the game. “Darn, I missed the E-Tank!”
“Just forget it, mate, you need Item 1 or 2 to get that without dyin’,” Numbuh Four said nonchalantly, falling back on the cushion in exhaustion and defeat. Then, a thought sprung into his mind, and he jolted up with a renewed ire. “But bloody heck, why does RisanF make me sound like a Harry Potter character?!” he demanded angrily, his fists clenched and shaking. Numbuh Two made a motion to reply to this, then decided against it, returning to the game.
{FWOOM!} the door to the Treehouse suddenly flew open, revealing a small braided girl in a scout uniform. “Hoagiiiiiee!” Laura cried out, and started towards Numbuh Two. She took big bounding steps towards the rotund operative, stepping on Numbuh One and Five’s prone forms in the process. “Big trouble, big trouble, BIG TROUBLE!!!” she ended the last ‘big trouble’ in her Big Badolescent voice, grabbing onto Numbuh Two’s shirt and thrusting her face to his.
“Whoa whoa whoa!” the shaken boy stammered, struggling to his bearings. “What’s happening, Laura? What’s going on?” he asked, trying to get his fervored friend to start making sense.
Laura’s words were coming out a mile a minute, and the other KND operatives started gathering around the two of them, curious. Eventually, the scout managed to get out a comprehensible version of the story about the abduction of Skunky Scout Troop 177, and the new union between the Candy Pirates and Cheese Ninjas. “I tried looking for them everywhere, but they’re nowhere to be found!” Laura babbled, her panic increasing once again. “Ya gotta help me, Hoagie!”
“Crud, I can’t believe the Cheese Ninjas and the Candy Pirates would really work together,” Numbuh Four said, overawed. “Ninjas and Pirates don’t ever get along!”
“Where didja hear a crazy thing like dat?” Numbuh Five scowled contemptuously.
“It’s all here in this book,” he responded, handing the girl a small, black paperback. Unconvinced, she took the tiny tome from his hand, and then put on a pair of reading frames from her shirt pocket. She thumbed through it carefully, her eyes shifting back and forth through the text. Then, a disgusted grimace flowed through her face, as if she had just read about the mating habits of lizards.
“’Ninjas are so awesome, and by awesome, I mean totally sweet’?!” Numbuh Five quoted with extreme disdain. “This is jes’ some trash made up by some teenage doofus!” She threw the book at Numbuh Four, who clutched at it like it was made of crystal.
“Regardless, all this does sound like a job for the Kids Next Door,” Numbuh One muttered, putting a hand to his chin in calm, British-style thought. He turned to Laura. “Limpin, can you tell us anything else important concerning Skunky Scout candy?” he questioned.
“Yeah, a lotta orders for Cheesy Drag-A-Longs had been going out to just one house!” the scout answered earnestly, blinking her bespectacled eyes. “It’s the big, white one at the end of Plundering Samurai Trace!”
“Then that’s where we began!” Numbuh One said, slamming his fist into his palm.
“Hold on a moment!” Numbuh Five cried out, grabbing the boy by his sweatshirt and dragging him off to the corner. “Numbuh One, what’re you doin'?” she whispered, when she was sure none of the other agents or Laura could hear them. “You know Laura’s all crazy Badolescent!”
“She’s also a kid, and helping kids from tyrannical adults is what we do best,” Numbuh One responded firmly, keeping his voice a low hiss. “Besides, as long as we have someone around to calm her down, there won’t be any trouble.”
“So you’re going with her to this Plundering Samurai place?” she asked, somewhat impressed by her leader’s devotion to duty.
Numbuh One looked at her as if shot. “Are you kidding?” he exclaimed, loud enough to draw Numbuh Three’s attention briefly. “She’ll beat me up! No no, it’s better that you and Numbuh Two go, since you two are best at keeping her in line. Especially Numbuh Two, what with his new friendship with her and all.”
And then, having successfully delegated the task, he walked back to the rest of the group with his plan. “For someone who hates adults, he sure knows how to pass the buck,” Numbuh Five mumbled, crossing her arms and wagging her head.
“So here’s what we’ll do,” Numbuh One addressed the rest of the group in his leader-tone. “Numbuh Two and Numbuh Five will go with Limpin to the address, and see what they can dig up. Meanwhile, the rest of us will stay here as backup in case of an emergency. Got it?”
“That’s fine,” Numbuh Two nodded nonchalantly, holding his Skunky Scout candy in his hands.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m in,” Numbuh Five said halfheartedly, rejoining the rest of the group with the look of a sweet tooth going to a dentist appointment.
“Yay, yay, I get to go on a magical mystery tour with Hoagie!” Laura cheered, grabbing onto Numbuh Two’s arm and briefly leaning into him. Then, all of a sudden, she was dressed in a Sherlock Holmes outfit, complete with hat and magnifying glass. “Laura Limpin is on the case!” she said, peering shrewdly through the lens. “I’ll be just like Detective Conan!”
“Or Nancy Drew!” Numbuh Three chimed in, popping her head into the conversation.
“Dick Tracy!” Laura added, throwing a fist into the air.
And then the two girls clasped hands and started dancing around, sounding off the names of famous fictional detectives in song. “Hercule Poirot! Eddie Valiant! Encyclopedia Brown!”
As they continued their free-spirited carousing, Numbuh Five frowned. “I still don’t know ‘bout this,” she said warily.
“No use complainin’ now,” Numbuh Two burbled, putting another bunch of cookies into his mouth. “Besides, Laura’s a lot of fun.” He smiled affectionately at Laura, still dancing happily with Numbuh Three. “We’ll have a good time!”
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Next Up- Part 2