The Emperor's New groove-KND Style!

[shadoboy]

Chapter one.

Starring;
Kuki “Numbuh 3” Sanban as the one-line narrator
Shadoboy as himself
Nigel “Numbuh 1” Uno as emperor Kuzco
Tom Jones as the theme song guy
Lydia (Numbuh 2 grandma) as the old guy, who is a woman in this spoof
The Ice Cream Men as Kuzco’s guards
Numbuh 65.3 as the random guy who won’t stop babbling


*We start off with a black screen*
Numbuh 3’s voice: Long ago, somewhere deep in the jungle…
*The blackness of the screen disappears and we see a jungle. It’s raining*
Numbuh 3’s voice: … That’s it? That’s all my lines?
Shadoboy’s voice: Well… Yeah. Numbuh 1 takes over from here.
Numbuh 3’s voice: But that’s unfair! You put me in this chapter just to do one measly little line?!
Shadoboy’s voice: Well… I had to put you somewhere… Be glad you’re in this spoof in the first place!
Numbuh 3’s voice: But I… You… WAHHHHH!!!!!! *Starts crying*
Shadoboy’s voice: Look Kuki, I’m really sorry but could you leave now? We really need to start the story.
Numbuh 3’s voice: *sob* Okay, fine. Be that way.
*Insert sound of a door slamming*
Shadoboy’s voice: Errr… Sorry for the interruption people!
*the camera starts to revolve on the spot, until it focuses on a whimpering llama*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Oh, is that my cue? Ahem hem! Will you look at that? Pretty pathetic huh? I mean, seriously. That’s just sad.
Llama: Meanie!
Numbuh 1’s voice: Well, you’ll never believe this, but that Llama you’re looking at was once a human being. And not just any human being. The guy was an emperor! A rich, powerful ball of charisma! Oh yeah! This is his story.
*meanwhile, the llama is getting soaked with water and starts wailing*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Okay, actually, my story. That’s right! I’m that llama!
*insert dramatic ‘Dun dun duuun’!*
Numbuh 1’s voice: The name… is Nigel Uno. Better known as emperor Numbuh 1. I was the world’s nicest guy, and they ruined my life for no reason.
*Shadoboy snorts*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Oh, is that so hard to believe? Look, I’ll tell you what. We start a flashback, you know, back to before I was a llama, and this will all make sense.
*The screen changes to baby Numbuh 1, playing with a Rainbow Monkey*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Okay, see, that’s a little too far back. Awww, look! That’s me as a baby!
*Baby Numbuh 1 hugs the Rainbow Monkey so hard it’s head falls off*
Baby Numbuh 1: … *scarred for life*
*Suddenly, five anonymous hands hold out new Rainbow Monkeys to baby Numbuh 1*
Baby Numbuh 1: Heheheh…
Numbuh 1’s voice: *nervous cough* All right, let’s move ahead…
*Screen changes to Numbuh 1, standing in front of a mirror and polishing his scalp. He smoothes out his eyebrows, cracks his knuckles and throws up his crown (which doesn’t really look like a crown at all), and it lands on his head. He turns to the camera and strikes a pose*
Numbuh 1: Oh yeah!

-“Perfect world”-
*Numbuh 1 walks through the palace halls, and everyone bows to him*
Theme song guy, aka Tom Jones: There are despots and dictators!
Political manipulators.
There are blue bloods with the intellects of fleas.
There are kings and petty tyrants
Who are so lacking in refinements
they'd be better suited swinging from the trees!

*Numbuh 1 hops down on a huge pillow on this throne*
He was born and raised to rule!
*People hold out their babies to Numbuh 1. He uses a kiss-shaped stamp on their foreheads*
No one has ever been this cool.
In a thousand years of aristocracy!
*A boat appears on the left side of the screen. Numbuh 1 lazily smashes a bottle of champagne into it, and it sails off*
An enigma and a mystery
in Meso American History!
The quintessence of perfection that is he!

*We see a nice zoom of Numbuh 1 on his throne*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Okay, so this is the real me! Not this!
*picture of the whimpering llama*
Numbuh 1’s voice: But this!
*Picture of Numbuh 1 on this throne*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Not this!
*picture of the whimpering llama*
Numbuh 1’s voice: This!
*Picture of Numbuh 1 in a bikini*
Numbuh 1’s voice: But not this!
*picture of the whimpering llama*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Winner!
*Picture of Numbuh 1 on this throne*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Loser!
*Picture of the whimpering llama*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Okay, see this palace?
*picture of the huuuuge palace*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Everyone in it is at my command! Heheheh. Oh, watch this!
Numbuh 1: Butler!
*A butler appears next to him, carrying a tea tray*
Numbuh 1: Chef!
*A chef appears next to him, with a huge cake*
Numbuh 1: Themesong guy. *grin*
*Tom Jones hops out of the cake to continue the song*

Tom Jones: He's the sovereign lord of the nation!
He's the hippest cat in creation!
He's the alpha, the omega, a to z!
And this perfect world will spin
Around his every little whim!
*Loads of servants are fork-feeding Numbuh 1, who is too lazy to lift a fork himself*
'Cause this perfect world begins and ends with…
Numbuh 1: Me! *points to himself*
Tom Jones: What's his name?!
*Numbuh 1 bursts through a random door, and starts dancing*
Uno! That's his name!
Uno! He's the king of the world!
Uno! Is he hip or what?
Uno!
*Numbuh 1 moonwalks all the way over to the right side of the screen, and bumps into an old lady. The music stops abruptly*
Lydia: Ah…
Numbuh 1: Gah! You threw off my groove! *turns his back on the lady, crosses his arms and pouts*
Large Ice Cream Man: I’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the emperor’s groove.
*The Ice Cream Man grabs Lydia and throws her out the window. Cut to outside, where we see a little dot falling down the tower*
Lydia: Soooorryyyyy!
Numbuh 1: You were saying?
*Music starts again*
Tom Jones: What’s his name?!
*Numbuh 1 appears on a stage, and starts dancing again, with lots of Ice cream men as background dancers*
Chorus: Uno! That’s his name!
Uno! Is he hip or what?
Don’t you know he’s the king of the world?!
Uno!
*Numbuh 1 runs down the stage, and through a door, as lots of people bow down to him again*
[…]

*Numbuh 1 kicks open a door. The door falls to the ground with a smash*
Numbuh 1: BOOM BABY!
*Immediately, a group of people appears to repair the door*
Numbuh 65.3: Sire, must you always kick down the doors?
Numbuh 1: Why shouldn’t I? They always get fixed anyway.
Numbuh 65.3: But sire, we’re running out of wood!
Numbuh 1: Whatever! *holds up his hand to silence the guy*
Numbuh 65.3: … Anyway, it is time for you to choose your bride!
Numbuh 1: Alrighty! Let’s trot out the ladies!
*Numbuh 1’s fangirls appear, standing neatly in a line*
Numbuh 1: Let’s take a look-see. *examines all the girls* Hate your hair… Not very likely… You look like Lizzie… You’re a cow… Yuck… Yuck, Double Yuck… Oh, let me guess, you have a great personality!
*Numbuh 1 turns back to the guy, one of the girls holds another to stop her from killing Numbuh 1*
Numbuh 1: Is this really the best you could do?
Numbuh 65.3: Yes! I mean no! I mean… perhaps! *continues babbling unintelligibly*
Numbuh 1’s thoughts: What’s he babbling about? He’s like the thing that wouldn’t shut up… Blah, blah, blah… This bores me. Anyway, still wondering about that llama in the opening? Well, let me show you the creeps responsible for ruining my life.

End of chapter 1

Numbuh 3: Heed my words! I’m appearing on this spoof whether Shadoboy likes it or not!

[Renee]

Oh! I like this story, I remember reading it on the other PW forum! It was really funny...

[shadoboy]

Chapter two

Introducing…
Hoagie “Numbuh 2” Gilligan Jr. as Pacha.
Lee “Numbuh 84” as himself.
Cree as Yzma.
Wallabee “Numbuh 4” Beatles as Kronk.
Tommy as himself

*Cut to outside of the palace, where we see a guy walking up the stairs*
Numbuh 1’s voice: First, there’s Numbuh 2.
*Numbuh 2 looks around in a confused way, and walks up to one of the Ice Cream Men*
Numbuh 2: Ah, excuse me? I’m here to see emperor Numbuh 1. See, I was going through my mail, and found this summons-
*Lee pops out of nowhere*
Lee: Did anyone summon Lee the Genie?
Numbuh 2: … No. A summon letter. Well, more like a note, really. *holds up a little post-it note* Besides, the Aladdin spoof has ended.
Lee: Ah, okay.
*Lee disappears again*
Ice Cream Man: Inside, up the stairs and to the left! Just follow the signs! You can’t miss them! They have great big neon letters! Dweeb!
Numbuh 2: Oh, great. Thanks a lot.
*Numbuh 2 quickly moves on again*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Now, don’t be fooled by the folksy, peasant look.
*Suddenly, a shoe falls on Numbuh 2’s head*
Numbuh 2: Eh?
Lydia: *hanging on a flagpole* Excuse me, that’s mine.
Numbuh 2: Oh, here you go. *hands Lydia the shoe*
Lydia: Thank you.
Numbuh 2: Any time. *walks on* Grandma?! *runs back and helps Lydia down* Are you alright?!
Lydia: Oh, thank you. You’re so very kind, Tommy.
Numbuh 2: I’m Hoagie! Tommy is my brother!
Lydia: Don’t talk back to your grandma, Tommy.
Numbuh 2: Whatever… What happened?
Lydia: I threw off the emperor’s groove.
Numbuh 2: Eh?
Lydia: His groove! The rhythm in which he lives his life! His pattern of behavior! I threw it off, and he had me thrown out the window! *sad whimper*
Numbuh 2: Oh really? I’m supposed to see him right now…
Lydia: DON’T THROW OFF HIS GROOVE! *hits Numbuh 2’s head with her cane*
Numbuh 2: Ow! Okay…
Lydia: Beware the groove, Tommy! *Walks off*
Numbuh 2: I told you I’m Hoagie!
Lydia: The groooooove…
*Numbuh 2 blinks, shrugs, and walks on*
Numbuh 1’s voice: See what I mean? This guy’s trouble. But as bad as he is, he is nothing compared to what is coming up next.

*Shot of the throne room. A teen girl is sitting on the throne and her right-hand man, a short blonde boy, is standing on her right side. She’s peering down at a peasant*
Teen Girl: So, why have you come here today?
Peasant: Well, your highness… I mean, your grace… *continues unintelligibly. The girl rolls her eyes in a bored way*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Hey, is that guy related to Numbuh 65.3? But anyway, I digress… Check out this piece of work! This is Cree. The emperor’s advisor. I know, she looks aggressive like a Chain Chomp from the Mario games.
*Camera pans over to the guy standing next to Cree*
Numbuh 1’s voice: And let’s not forget Cree’s right-hand man. Every year or so, she gets a new one. I don’t know what happens to the guys, and I don’t want to know. Anyway, this year’s model is called Wallabee, but everyone calls him Numbuh 4.
*A fly starts buzzing around Cree’s head. She waves it away.*
Numbuh 4: Yeah, I got that there, Cree.
*The fly lands on Numbuh 4’s forehead. Numbuh 4 whacks himself, and falls to the ground*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Yup, that’s Numbuh 4. Now, lately, Cree’s gotten this bad habit of trying to rule the country behind my back. And I’m thinking’… That’s gotta stop!
Cree: *interrupting the peasant’s babbling* It’s no concern of mine whether your family has… What was it again?
Peasant: … Food.
Cree: Hah! You really should’ve thought of that before you became peasants! Feed him to the dog! Next!
Peasant: But I-
*He gets grabbed by a bunch of Ice Cream Men*
Peasant: Okay.
*He gets dragged off. Cree sighs and massages her temples*
Numbuh 1: The nerve of some of those peasants, huh?
Cree: Tell me about it. *looks up* Ack!
Numbuh 1: Hi there!
Cree: *quickly gets up from the chair* Your highness! Heheheh…
Numbuh 1: You were doing it again!
Cree: Doing? Doing what? *giggles nervously and hides the crown she was wearing*
Numbuh 1: My job! I’m the emperor, and you’re the emperor’s advisor, remember? Is Numbuh 4’s company affecting your brain?
Cree: B-but, your highness! I was only dealing with measly peasant matters! I think you’ll find that if you consider it, you- *continues unintelligibly*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Wow! Another relative of Numbuh 65.3! The babbling monsters are going to inherit the world one day…
*Numbuh 1 frowns, and stares at Cree’s face*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Whoa, look at all those zits! Unnerving…
*Numbuh 1 sees a piece of broccoli stuck between Cree’s teeth*
Numbuh 1’s voice: What the-?! UGH How long has that been there?!
Numbuh 4: Good thinking, Cree! What do you say, Numbuh 1? *places his hand on Numbuh 1’s shoulder*
Numbuh 1: Aaargh! *hops back* No touchy! No touchy! No touch.
*a guard enters*
Ice Cream Man: Umm… excuse me, your highness? The village punk is here to see you.
Numbuh 1: Ah, good! Send him in! … Hey wait a minute… Don’t I know you?
Ice Cream Man: No! I’m certainly not Numbuh 3 in disguise, trying to get a cameo in this chapter!
Numbuh 1: …
*Shadoboy runs in*
Shadoboy: Kuki Sanban! I told you, you don’t star in this spoof! Now shoo!
Numbuh 3: But I’m lonely! You can’t just make Princess Jasmine in the Aladdin spoof, and toss me into the garbage in the next!
Shadoboy: I said NO! *grabs Numbuh 3 by her ear and drags her along*
Cree: Well, that was awkward…
Numbuh 1: Yes, it was. *turns to Cree* Oh, by the way, you’re fired!
Cree: F-fired? What do you mean, fired?!
Numbuh 1: Uh, how else can I say it?
*Tommy appears and writes it all down on a little note*
You’re being let go. Your department is being downsized. You’re going to be living in a cardboard box. You’re part of an outplacement. You’re screwed. We’re going in a different direction. Take your pick. I’ve got more.
Cree: But… your highness!
*Numbuh 1 continues talking, Tommy is still scribbling it all down*
Numbuh 1: Let’s see… You won’t be receiving pay. You can return to your parent’s house. I don’t like seeing you around anymore. Your life is destroyed. Hee-hee, this is fun! … Okay, that’s all I can think of right now.
*Tommy rips the note from the pad and hands it to Cree, before walking off again. She stares at it*
Cree: But I- You- Uh… *sits down on the throne* But, your highness! I have been nothing, if not loyal to the empire for many, many years!
Numbuh 1: Hey, don’t worry. Everybody hits their stride. You just hit yours! *smirks*
Cree: *growl*
Numbuh 1: So, who’s in my chair?
Numbuh 4: Oh! Oh! Pick me! I know! *hops up and down, holding his hand in the air*
Numbuh 1: Yes, Numbuh 4?
Numbuh 4: Cree! Cree’s in your chair, right?
Numbuh 1: Very good Numbuh 4! Good boy, have a cookie!
*Numbuh 1 takes out a bag of patented Numbuh 4 snacks, and throws one*
Numbuh 4: Oh! Cookie! Cookie!
*Numbuh 4 tries to catch it in his mouth, but it’s too high for him. He falls back, and off the extremely high platform the throne is standing on*
Numbuh 1: … Okaaay… *turns back to Cree* Well, you heard the idiot! Shoo, Cree, Shoo!
*Cree gets up, and walks off muttering under her breath*
Numbuh 4’s voice: I’m okay! My butt reduced the impact!
*Numbuh 1 sits down on his throne*
Numbuh 1: Okay, send him in!

*The door opens, and Numbuh 2 comes in, looking around apprehensively*
Numbuh 2: Errr… Hi, your highness. I’m here because I received this summons-
*Lee the Genie appears*
Lee: Did anyone summon Lee the…?
Numbuh 2: I said no! Go home!
Lee: Awww…
*Lee disappears again*
Numbuh 1: Hey, there he is! My bestest friend in the world!
Numbuh 2: But I don’t know you…
Numbuh 1: Everyone is my bestest friend!
Numbuh 2: I’m Numbuh 2. Anyway, I got this summons-
*Numbuh 2 looks around wildly. Lee does not appear*
Numbuh 2: Phew…
Numbuh 1: Yeah, that’s right! Numbuh 2! Just the dude I wanted to see!
Numbuh 2: I am?
Numbuh 1: Word on the street is you can fix my problem! *gets up and slides down the platform with a conveniently placed rope* You can fix my problem, can’t you?
Numbuh 2: … Sure. I’ll do what I can.
Numbuh 1: Good, good. That’s just what I wanted to hear. *grabs Numbuh 2’s shoulder, and leads him through a door*
Numbuh 2: Your problem doesn’t have anything to do with hormones, does it? Because I’m not sure I want to-
Numbuh 1: Are you aware of just how important your village is to the empire?
Numbuh 2: Eh? Well, I know we grow the crops that you eat here at the palace. We also herd llamas, and we’re the home of the local Arcade where you often-
*Numbuh 1 pulls a string, and a blanket gets pulled up, revealing the model of a village on top of a mountain*
Numbuh 2: My village?
Numbuh 1: You got a sweet little set-up on top of that hilltop, don’t ya? Ahahah! *punches Numbuh 2’s shoulder playfully*
Numbuh 2: Yup. My family has lived on top of that hilltop for six generations now.
Numbuh 1: Uh-huh… *totally uninterested* So, where do you find you get the most sun? *examines the model*
Numbuh 2: Oh, I’d say just on the other side of those trees.
*Numbuh 2 pushes Numbuh 1 over to the other side of model. Numbuh 1 looks appalled by being touched, but he lets it go, and stares at the model again*
Numbuh 2: When the sun hits this ridge just right, these hills sing. I’m pretty sure it’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by ‘Queen’. I love that song.
Numbuh 1: Well, that settles it! *claps his hands*
Numbuh 2: Really?
Numbuh 1: Yup. Thanks for coming!
Numbuh 2: That’s it? That’s all you wanted me for?
Numbuh 1: Yeah. I just needed an insider’s opinion before I okay-ed this spot for my pool. *grabs the house that is standing on the highest point of the mountain, and hands it to Numbuh 2*
Numbuh 2: Your pool?
Numbuh 1: Boo-yah! *plants a model of a poolhouse where the house used to be* Welcome to Uno-topia! My ultimate summer getaway! Complete with waterslide! *attaches a waterslide to the side of the mountain*
Numbuh 2: W-what?!
Numbuh 1: Isn’t it great? It’s my birthday gift to me! Here, I can show off my wonderful new swimsuit! *hops up and down in excitement* Oh, I’m so happy! *hugs the mountain, and his eyes glaze over*
Numbuh 2: Huh… I don’t understand how this could happen… *stares at the little house in his hands*
Numbuh 1: Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot you’re a peasant. Your IQ is very low. Here, let me clear it up for you. See, at my birthday celebration tomorrow, when I give the word, your town will be destroyed, to make way for this! *turns back to the model, and presses a little button. Lil’ Uno-topia opens up, and confetti shoots out. A little pole with a statue of Numbuh 1’s head comes out*
Numbuh 1: Do do dodododo do do dooo! *circus theme*
Numbuh 2: That’s just psychotic!
Numbuh 1: So, if I were you, I’d pick up some change of address forms on the way home. *whacks the house out of Numbuh 2’s hands*
Numbuh 2: But wait, you can’t-
*Numbuh 2 approaches Numbuh 1, but gets held back by a couple of Ice Cream Men. Numbuh 1 smirks evilly*
Numbuh 1: When I give the word, you little town-thingy will be ‘Bye-bye’.
*Numbuh 2 gets dragged off by the guards*
Numbuh 1: See ya! *waves*
Numbuh 1’s voice: Oh yeah! Everything was going my way! … Or so I thought…

End of Chapter 2